I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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