I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
