Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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