FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There r osticjed everywhere
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
