The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
