Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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