I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
