oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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