i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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