Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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