I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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