Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
