How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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