I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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