so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
