My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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