I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
