he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
