I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
