OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
