omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
