cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
