stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
