My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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