i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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