Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
