if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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