I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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