dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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