So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
