Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
