It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
