Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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