I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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