Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
