I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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