I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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