I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
