hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
