Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
