He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This baby is an asshole
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
