we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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