I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't deserve a penis
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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