I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
