dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
organizing the empties. That sober.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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