your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
