The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
