When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
