next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
