are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
