What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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