wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
