I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
