How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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