Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
