so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
