when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
