I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
