haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to stop coming to work sober
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
