Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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