he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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