Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
