Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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