Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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