Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
