I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're like the curious george of whores
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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