I will die if light touches me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
