Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
