so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
