One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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