she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
