So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
