My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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