Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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