I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
