I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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